Homestar Runner Dialogue Lines
Last updated: Oct 15, 2026
For all the Homestar Runner players that just gotta know everyline from our HSR characters in game here is a list:
| Tea Time |
| Nice place you got here, Reynold! |
| Thanks, Gunhaver! Would you like to stay for tea time? |
| Yeah, if T stands for tactical torpedo tarp tennis time. |
| Oh! All's I've got is herbal calm-o-mile! |
| Cheat Commandos, rock, rock on! |
| Uh, it's just me. |
| Well... Start rock, rocking on, soldier! |
| (rock rocking on sounds) |
| Yeah! Yeah! Get it! |
| Cheat Commandos, rock, rock on! |
| Uh, it's just me. |
| Well... Start rock, rocking on, soldier! |
| (rock rocking on sounds) |
| Yeah! Yeah! Get it! |
| Cheat Commandos, rock, rock on! |
| Can't you see? It's only me! |
| Well... Start rock, rocking on, soldier! |
| (rock rocking on sounds) |
| Yeah! Yeah! Get it! |
| Cheat Commandos, rock, rock on! |
| (squeaky sounds) |
| Well... Start rock, rocking on, soldier! |
| (rock rocking on sounds) |
| Yeah! Yeah! Get it! |
| Cheat Commandos, rock, rock on! |
| Uh, it's just me. |
| Well... Start rock, rocking on, soldier! |
| (rock rocking on sounds) |
| Yeah! Yeah! Get it! |
| ere, the garbage disposal's clogged again. |
| That's 'cause you keep puttin' bullets in there! |
| It makes the apartment smell nice! |
| Reynold, can you make yourself scarce for a while? |
| Starla and/or Darla's comin' over tonight. |
| She calls me Dorkums! |
| Come on, Reynold! Let's chuck candy at the kids on this parade route! |
| Wha-POW! Got one! |
| I think we're supposed to gently lob it to them, Gunhaver. |
| I'll lently job you! Wha-POW! Got one! |
| We'll crush the Cheat Commandos! |
| How do you suggest we do that? |
| Uh, with a large boulder shaped like our logo! |
| I'll start chiseling away, sir. |
| We live together now! |
| We're out of evil toilet paper! |
| We're roomies now! |
| We're out of righteous toilet paper! |
| Sorry, Blue Laser! Your plan to make gravy a fruit |
| will NOT disrupt the global food chain! |
| On paper it was SOLID!! |
| Hands up, Blue Laser! The Cheat Commanders... |
| justice... something something... playsets! |
| Uh... I'm the bad guy? |
| Nice place you got here, Reynold! |
| Thanks, Gunhaver! Would you like to stay for tea time? |
| Yeah, if T stands for tactical torpedo tarp tennis time. |
| Oh! All's I've got is herbal calm-o-mile! |
| Gee, Blue Laser! Your nana's black bean burgers are dee-lish! |
| The secret ingredient is total global DOMINATION! |
| Wow! You can hardly taste it! |
| Take me to the secret Cheat Commandos underground fortress! |
| You've captured the wrong guy! They don't tell me any of that top secret intel. |
| Well... take me to the dry cleaners then! |
| I'm gonna steal some of Reynold's ties! |
| Uh, I'm Reynold but... OK! |
| We'll blow up the ocean! |
| Seems ambitious, sir. |
| Maybe we should start with a melt pond or a billabong. |
| You and your stupid geology degree! |
| What did you say the square footage of this place was again? |
| It's a 3 bedroom 2 bath, 1200 square feet |
| and within walking distance of the elementary school. |
| But does it have an evil ensuite bathroom?! |
| I think you're going to be very pleased, ma'am. |
| Yeah, and my guys are always like |
| But sir, I need more R & R! |
| Ugh, I know! It's like |
| The world ain't gonna dominate itself, y'know? |
| Haha! Yeah! Heh heh. |
| I love these little chats. |
| Yeah, same here. |
| They allow me to triangulate your position so I can fire my nukes. |
| Wait, what?! |
| We've stolen the Action Figure Storage Vehicle! |
| What's the plan now, sir? |
| The garage door opener's in the glove compartment! |
| We'll waltz right into their headquarters! |
| And then we blow them all up? |
| NO!!! |
| Then we raid their superior snack treats! |
| Sounds like a plan, sir. |
| I'm not sure how many more juice boxes of Blue LazeBerry Blast I can stomach. |
| That stuff wrecks my blood sugar numbers! |
| Blue Laser's stealing the Action Figure Storage Vehicle right now!! |
| But where will we all get stored then? |
| We'll have to go in the Discount Accessories Briefcase! |
| But that's not even an officially licensed product! |
| They only sell that in the toy aisle at the G-G-G- |
| GROCERY STORE!! |
| My first day behind the wheel! |
| I can't believe Gunhaver let me take out the Action Figure Storage Vehicle! |
| Help! Oh no! I'm an old person with a flat tire. |
| Or a squirrel with a broken leg or... |
| An abandoned box of ramen takeout. |
| That doesn't sound like a trap. I'll pull over! |
| I'm glad I was able to help you out, stranded roadside |
| pedestrian, wildlife, or takeout container. |
| Yeah, thanks bro. Now I'm about to throw you outta this moving vehicle. |
| Oh! What page of the driver's manual was that on?! |
| Blue Laser?! How did you get in here?! |
| Never mind that, Gunhaver! |
| Hand over all the Chewy Cheat Commando-nuts! |
| The snack treats are held at an undisclosed secure location! |
| You broke into the wrong playset! |
| Aw man. |
| Why are we guarding Reynold's refridgerator again? |
| It's full of our snack treats, safe n' sound... |
| so by Blue Laser they will... |
| not be found. |
| Do you really have to keep doin' the rhyming thing? |
| What if you just say, like, 'Wha-POW' at the end of each sentence? |
| I could get with that. I could get with that. |
| WHA-POW! |
| You're going to drive me to the secret location of your snack treats, Gunhaver! |
| Why am I doing this? I'm the one that has gun! |
| Oh, good point. |
| Can we stop at my Nana's house? |
| She keeps a loaded .22 under her pillow. |
| Dang, Nana! |
| Respect! |
| Wait wait wait wait wait! |
| What if we stack all the playsets on top of each other and it turns into a giant robot?! |
| Yeah yeah yeah! And then we can each control one of the arms |
| and take turns punching ourselves in the head! |
| Oh man! What is IN these BlueLaze Berry Blast juice boxes?! |
| Fifteen times the FDA-approved limit of SUGAR!! |
| And I got to drive for the first time today... |
| Wha-pow. |
| And I picked up a sentient box of takeout |
| shaped like a Blue Laser Trooper... |
| Wha-pow! |
| And then I got thrown from a moving vehicle and only broke all of my ribs! |
| WHA-POW! |
| Can you believe all this fuss is over some snack treats? |
| I know! And I don't even like 'em! |
| I wanted us to have our own wing sauce |
| but Gunhaver says kids' snacks are where the money is. |
| Oh man. Wing sauce is like my whole deal. |
| We could go into business together! |
| We'll call it Red Hot Blue Laser |
| Silent Rippin' Sauce!! |
| Uhhh, never mind. |
| I'm going back to trying to kill you. |
| What kind of a codename is "Crackotage" anyway? |
| Says the guy codenamed "Fightgar!" |
| Well, that's easy. A gar is like |
| an invasive fish with sharp teeth. |
| And I'll invade the bad guys |
| and fight 'em! |
| See? |
| Oh yeah? Well I'll -otage... |
| ...the crack?! |
| Say, are you guys hiring? |
| Yeah, I think so. Who are you? |
| I'm one of the bad guys. |
| I've definitely tried to murder you on multiple occasions. |
| I like that can-do, I tried to murder |
| you on multiple occasions spirit, son! |
| You're hired! |
| (frustrated sounds) |
| Yeah, I'm not buyin all this hype about Wagyu beef neither! |
| (ground chuck support sounds) |
| It's nothin' but ground roadkill burgers for me! |
| (eww gross sounds) |
| Gunhaver told me to On Rock, Rock |
| but I got stuck with the guy that can't talk! |
| Hoohoo ha ha! |
| (hey I can talk sounds) |
| That does NOT count as talking! |
| I HATE BOTANICAL GARDENS!! |
| FIRE THE BLUE LASER! |
| I think we've only got green right now, sir. |
| GREEN?! |
| I don't- I don't think I can make that work. |
| Watch out!! |
| There's an explosion sound effect in the road! |
| Oh noooo! |
| Blue Lase-Alert! |
| Quick Visor Guy! Attack the Blue Lasers! |
| Uh, I think I AM the Blue Laser. |
| Oooh! Is THAT why you're always trying to stab me? |
| Hey Blue Laser! Meet red laser! |
| Ouch! What did you set that thing for? |
| Skin irritant?! |
| Hey Blue Laser! Meet red laser! |
| Sorry. Mom said we have to play where the lasers are set to 'tickle.' |
| Aw mom! |
| Uh oh! Blue Laser's in our base! |
| I hope they don't shoot me in the face! |
| Sorry, that was the plan. |
| Uh oh! Blue Laser's in our base! |
| I hope they don't shoot me in the face! |
| No, I was gonna go for the kneecaps. |
| Hands up, Blue Laser! You're through! |
| Cause you didn't invite me to your BBQ! |
| I didn't wanna have to buy more ribs! |
| Those things are expensive man! |
| Do you have any snacks? |
| THERE'S NOT A BODY IN THE FRIDGE! |
| Uhh... |
| Maybe we just order a pizza? |
| Slow down Blue Laser! |
| The posted speed limit for this playset is 5 miles an hour! |
| Ugh! I can't figure out this stupid radio!! |
| Heh heh heh! That was great! |
| Now let me almost run YOU over! |
| Oh?! |
| Are you sure this Get Run Overproof Vest will work? |
| Oh totally. You'll be fine. |
| Just stand still... |
| Oh my! |
| No one understands me... |
| No one understands me... |
| No one understands me... |
| But yooooooou! |
| But yooooooou! |
| Silent Rip reporting for duty! |
| I'm a master of stealth and reconn-izance. |
| The name's Fightgar... |
| the gruff weapons specialist with a |
| child ratings board-approved root beer problem! |
| I'm the one they call Crackotage! |
| I fly in a jet plane's fuselage! |
| You thought I was gonna have to rhyme sabotage, didn't you? |
| Hee hee ha HA! |
| Introduce myself? |
| Blah'm Crack Stuntman. I do voices for cartoons and I-- |
| Oooh! |
| I'm Gunhaver! |
| Expert haver of gun, |
| stalwart leader of the Cheat Commandos, |
| and person who totally knows what 'stalwart' means! |
| I'm Blue Laser Trooper. I get to wear this cool visor and |
| I never really pictured myself in the world domination game, |
| but the work is steady, and the food's delicious |
| even if we have to ocassionally turn the Eiffel Tower into a death ray and cut the moon in half. |
| My name's Reynold! |
| The newest and most underappreciated member of the team! |
| Right now I'm Gunhaver's admin assistant |
| but he promises one day he'll let me go on a MISSION! |
| Coming Sir! |
| I am Blue Laser Commander! |
| Supreme Overlord of You Bowing Down Before Me! |
| So let's practice! |
| Three-two-one |
| Boydownbeforeme! |
| I JUST HATE YOU SO MUCH!! |
| I WILL DESTROY YOUR ENTIRE FACE! |
| Watch out everyone! |
| I'm about to... |
| HAVE GUN!! |
Dangeresque |
| Renaldo’s not dead! Cool deal! He was just headed somewhere ketchup-centric… |
| Find Professor Experimento’s secret lab! Dangeresque heard it's in a camera shop. |
| Go back to that fire hydrant puddle to find and follow Renaldo’s footprints! |
| Use the tracker to find another sewer grate where Renaldo may have emerged. |
| Take out all the security cameras in Brainblow City. Just aim the laser pointer at the lens and it’ll fry em’ up good! |
| Find where Renaldo made that phone call. Somewhere with pigeons and vinyl! Oh and phones. Also prolly look for phones. |
| Find a lappy where Dangeresque can checka his email. |
| Find some source of funds so Dangeresque can get ALL THE CASH. |
| Steal from a struggling musician to find a few more dollar bills for Dangeresque. |
| Meet the bad guys “beneath the beef of the burninator.” Maybe they meant Trogdor’s beefy arm? |
| Return fire! |
| Go up to the water tower and find out who that shooter was. Duh. |
| Find Big Reggie- I mean a Big Red G- and you’ll find Renaldo! |
| Congratulations! You helped Dangeresque solve the Renaldo Gambado! He gave you his Nunchuk Gun Putter as a reward but kept the croissant for himself. |
| The name's Dangeresque. |
| I'm the baddest, meanest, and cleanest... |
| private eye/crooked cop in all of Brainblow City. |
| My partner Renaldo works part-time for Subway Security. |
| I'm on my way to meet him there now. |
| This is Renaldo's fez! |
| And it's covered in blood! |
| Oh wait. This is just ketchup. |
| I wonder where he got all this ketchup... |
| Renaldo was here! |
| I'd recognize those ketchup footprints anywhere! |
| But they disappear into that puddle. |
| If I could upgrade the lens on my magnifying glass... |
| maybe I could still track him! |
| That crazy inventor Prof. Experimento could probably help. |
| I heard his secret lab's in a camera shop. |
| Prof. Experimento! I need your help! |
| Bubbla dubbla? |
| Renaldo's disappeared! Ya got any, like... |
| radioactive trace ketchup element detectors? |
| Bubbly bub-dub rubble. Bubble-dee. |
| Oh. You have exactly that. Cool. |
| How's it work? |
| Burble durble and bub dub tubble. Bub bub bub. |
| I just aim this where the trail went cold... |
| and the invisible footprints will show up?! |
| Dubble! |
| Thanks Proffy! |
| The tracks disappear at this sewer grate. |
| But Renaldo would only go down into the seedy underbelly of Brainblow City... |
| if he was being chased!! |
| This must lead to another sewer grate somewhere. |
| Whoa! Renaldo musta had to do some fancy footwoik to spell out this message. |
| "Dangeresque, they're watching us!!" |
| He obviously means I have to disable any and all |
| security cameras in the city with this laser pointer! |
| That's a logical conclusion to reach, right? |
| That's the last camera... |
| Now it's safe for Renaldo to try and reach out to me. |
| Oh, lookit that. |
| Dangeresque, how may I direct your call? |
| Dangeresque! It's me, Renaldo! |
| I need your heeeeeeerlp! |
| Sweet Naldo! Where have they taken you? |
| I think I heard pigeons in the background. |
| And record scratches? |
| It's a note from Renaldo. |
| Dangeresque! I don't have much time! |
| I can't call ya again but I might be able to sneak ya's an email! |
| Your Pal, Renaldo! |
| Email? How am I supposed to checka my checka my email?! |
| Here's a lappy! |
| I was able to hack into the... frame-frame... |
| and checka my email. |
| Dear Strong Bad, I mean, Dangeresque... |
| If you ever want to see Renaldo alive again, bring ALL THE CA$H |
| and meet beneath the Beef of the Burninator. |
| Yours Truly, Some Bad Guys |
| Oh no! Where am I gonna find all the cash?! |
| Beep bop Boop beep boop. |
| Insufficient funds?! |
| I got most of the cash, but I'm a little short. |
| Maybe I could steal some tips from one of those struggling street musicians. |
| Scruples! |
| Dangersque Too?! What are you doing here? |
| I'm working undercover trying to infiltrate the underground... |
| music scene. |
| Is that why you're literally underground? |
| Yeah, that's what that means, right? |
| Underground music? |
| Uh, sure. |
| I'm gonna take all this money just to be safe. |
| Good idea. Underground bands never make any money. |
| I got the cash! |
| Now to meet "beneath the Beef of the Burninator." |
| Did they mean Trogdor's beefy arm? |
| Renaldo's medallion! But where is he?! |
| It was all a setup! |
| I'm pinned down! |
| Somebody's gotta take out that sniper! |
| Take the shot! TAKE THE SHOT!! |
| Phew! That was close. |
| I need to go up there and find out who that shooter was. |
| Perducci?! I shoulda had known. |
| WHAT DID YOU DO WITH RENALDO?! WHERE IS HE?! |
| *cough*cough* |
| You'll find him... big... reh... |
| gee... oh ho I'm dyin, |
| Big Reggie? |
| Is that the criminal mastermind behind this whole thing?! |
| No ya dummy I said BIG RED G! |
| Oh I'm dead. |
| Renaldo! You're okay! |
| Sure thing, Big D! Thanks for bringin me the cash! |
| YOU?! |
| Yeah, I just needed a coupla two or three bucks to buy myself a croissaaairnt. |
| Are you tellin me I got mustard, flustered, puzzled, befuddled |
| hoisted, foisted, and fetch quested ALL FOR NOTHIN?! |
| No way! You can have half! |
| You're alright Renaldo. |
| You're all riiiiiight. |
| Hey Strong Bad! We got zapped into a virtualated reality! |
| Aw man! Mini-golf?! |
| Check out this first hole. It's the size of an ocean! |
| Ptoo! Hole-in-one! |
| Homestar... |
| Ptooie! Hole-in-one again! |
| I think you're aimin' the wrong way. |
| Ptoo-ha-ha-haaaaa hole-in-one. |
| I finally get teleported into VR and it's a freakin' mini-golf game?! |
| Oh, I thought you'd like it. You're always talkin' about wanting to play pirate games. |
| I said I want to play piraTED games. |
| Well, I dunno who Pirate Ted is... |
| But maybe he's somewhere on this island. You should have a look around! |
| Augh! |
| Strong Bad, get outta there! I was trying to commune with the dead. |
| No way Strong Sad, I know how skeletons work in video games. |
| This guy's gonna come to life and fight me! |
| Come on! |
| Come to life! |
| Undead evil! |
| This isn't that kind of game. That's just a 400 year-old half-buried pirate. |
| I'd like to bury this mini-golf game under 400... |
| ...of my butts. |
| Real good one. |
| Yes! The Cheat! I knew I could count on you! |
| Let's fire up that pirate ordnance! |
| (strugglin' sounds) |
| Whattaya mean they won't budge? |
| (arguin' sounds) |
| Ah then what good are ya? |
| Might as well ask Pirate Ted for help. |
| (grumblin' sounds) |
| Bubs! My favorite shopkeep! |
| Now this game's getting intereseting! |
| I'll take one of each of those swords... |
| Some doubloons, couple of them potions... |
| Sorry, Strong Bad. None of that stuff's for sale. |
| It's all non-interactable. |
| I do have this sword though. |
| That's not a sword! |
| Some kinda... flop dog. |
| AHH! |
| Hey King of Town, is that full of pirate cold ones? |
| Lemme get a swig o' that grog nog! |
| I already drank all that. |
| It was full of delicious particle effects. |
| *BURP* |
| RRRGH. |
| Coach Z, what are ya doin' in this dank cave? |
| It's the closest climate I could find to a locker room. |
| And I been bustin' some dope beats on this pirate barrel. |
| Yo ho ho and a bottle o' WHAT? My name's Coach Z and I'm rockin' the spot! |
| Uh, no you're not. |
| No, I'm not? |
| NO YOU'RE NOT! |
| I believe you. |
| Hey, Pom Pom. You're a ball, right? |
| Bubba dee dubble. |
| Maybe I could putt you and get a hole-in-one every time! |
| Rubble bub-burble. |
| Easy now... feather touch... |
| Dink! |
| AAHH! Sorry Pom Pom!! |
| Wow, Marzipan! Are you customizing your own pirate firearms?! |
| I want one with tiger stripes! |
| No Strong Bad, this is safety orange. |
| I'm making sure everyone knows these are useless! |
| So that's how it's gonna be, eh, mini-golf game? |
| You're gonna dangle a buncha flintlock pistols in front of me |
| And not even let me lock one measly flint?! |
| I do have this pistol. |
| Hrrghjt! Brrghjt! Ballooooon! |
| Strong Mad, did you rip this entire ship in half?! |
| PHONEBOOKS GOT TOO EASY!! |
| Well, at least someone's havin' fun on this golf-forsaken island. |
| Lookit that treasure chest! |
| Hey Poopsmith, dig me up some pirate booty! |
| Oh... right. Booty. |
| I suppose you think you're very clever. |
| Hey Strong Bad! Over here! |
| Whoa-ho! What chapter of Homestar's Smartest Hits have I turned to now? |
| I was lookin for a lost ball and I got stuck in this cannon! You gotta help me get out! |
| Oh, I will help you get out alright. |
| Thanks SB, you're a real pal. |
| Avast! Fire the cannons off the portboard stow! |
| Wait, what? |
| Oh come on, nothing?! |
| Uh, Strong Bad? |
| Why would you put all this cool pirate stuff around and not let me use it?! |
| I think, uh, something's happening... |
| VR stands for Virtual Reality! |
| Little help?! |
| Not Very Reluctant and then in parentheses, "to let you use all the cool stuff that's lying around." |
| Wha-ho ho! That was pretty awesome! |
| I should prolly go down there and make sure he drowned-- |
| I mean make sure he didn't drown. |
| Ouch! Oof! Cut it out! That hurts! |
| Ha-HA! You know what? |
| Maybe I can mold this lame VR game into something deserving of my style. |
| I love mold! |
| Shut up. Time to deploy my patented Strong Bad move where I... |
| take something that sucks and make it cool! |
| T-S-T-S-A-M-I-C. |
| Ooh! Strong Bad's pullin' a tsssttssaamic! |
| Let's go see what other kinda damage I can do! |
| OWW! Cut it out, crabbo! |
| Hey weirdtime. I knew I'd find you hidin around here somewhere. |
| DyaaaAAAAaa! Hey Strong Bad. |
| I Swiss family'd all over my space coast. |
| Great. Thanks for that. |
| It was really worth the motion sickness flyin out here. |
Tourist Crap |
| Back off baby |
| I gonna splo you up |
| I Strong Bad, I hunger |
| You are not my doge |
| All heads must asplode! |
| Ex Germinate! |
| Get offa my zone |
| Ladies luva my face |
| Eat vector death |
| No way gimme your money |
| I feel apain in my moth |
| That hurcha my head |
| Ow! My head partsplode! |
| Nope Ain Nope Again |
| Zat all You Gurt? |
| Hee Hee That tackles |
| I forgot safety gargle |
| Don't smudge my mackup |
| You Stroid My Face |
| My mime is glowing |
| Why do you splo at me? |
| Ouch, what do you do? |
| I shell have engines! |
| My density! Noooo! |
| Well, my head asplode! |
| Now everybody knows Coach Z is orsome, |
| my rhymes flutter like the petals of a cherry blorsome. |
| Achievin' max tranquility |
| Ya can't match Coach Z's rhyme-ability. |
| Did ya bite off more than you can chew? |
| I'm green and bendy like a stalk of bamboo! |
| And if ya still try to step to me... |
| I miniaturize ya like a bonsai tree! |
| Aww, that's all the stuff I looked around and saw... |
| So I rhymed about it. |
| You were right, Bubs... |
| these views really make me feel at peace. |
| I said the views were five dollars apiece! |
| Now fork it over! |
| Waah! |
| Oh now this one I'm takin' personally! |
| Gonna make a whole archery range that I can't use, huh? |
| Everybody knows I'm the ARROWED guy! |
| You're not gonna let me ARROWED anything? |
| You expect me to PUTTEROED something? |
| PUTTEROED!! |
| I dunno maybe this won't be so bad. |
| Wheee!! |
| Putteroed! I'm doin it! |
| Behind one of these doors is the code to stop the missile launch. |
| Behind another? The hostages strapped to a timebomb. |
| And behind the third? |
| A NEW CAR!! |
| Aw dang! You know I gotta cut it up on this turntable! |
| Roger that, Lieuteneral Captainface.. |
| You are GO for retro 60's space race communication chatter |
| Spacecraft will reach Loss of Style in T-Minus forty-twice. |
| Prepare to go EVA on some DVDs. |
| I think it's Season two of Night Court. |
| This fireplace looks like a puppet mouth. |
| It doesn't really look like a puppet mouth. |
| But with a couple of eyeballs on it down south? |
| Hey! Now I see that puppet mouth! |
| With a real long neck and he's upside-down... |
| With a real long neck and he's upside-down... |
| I wish he'd come to life so I would HAVE ANY FRIENDS! |
| Uh, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna go. |
| The Cheat, get outta there! |
| (What gives? sounds) |
| Your skin'll get all pruny and |
| you'll smell like wet The Cheat the rest of the day. |
| (Oh yeah! sounds) |
| Hey! |
| And then the robot said... |
| SUPERMAN!! |
| And then he blew up!! |
| I know big guy, it's a sad movie... |
| But this isn't that robot. |
| But he looks just like him!! |
| Don't say that crap too loud, man! you'll get these people sued! |
| Are you an elf living in a candy kingdom? |
| Are you plagued by some type of licorice-themed bad guy? |
| Then you need new FluffyPuff Gummy Golems! |
| Guaranteed to wreck shop on your sugary adversaries |
| and then let you nibble on their sweet paw-nubbins! |
| FluffyPuff Gummy Golems... |
| That's right, I said "paw nubbins." |
| Grandma candy, Grandma candy, Grandma candy, No! |
| Grandma candy, Grandma candy, Grandma candy, Ho! |
| Hey, check it out! It's your namesake! |
| That's a macaron, not marzipan. |
| Right! Because your name is NOT macaron. |
| Homestar, did you forget my name again? |
| No?! Noo! |
| It's mmmmm-- macaroni. |
| Pony. |
| Because you have a ponytail! |
| I. Remember. That. |
| Boyfriend of the year. |
| Before I drink a tall, cool glass of melonade... |
| I like to eat a giant stairway made of FluffyPuff marshmalades! |
| With all these edible edifices... |
| I'm surprised I haven't seen the King of Town around here. |
| Hrrruuugh BURBLE uurrhhggh |
| Heavenly... Bliss?! |
| Uh uh! Poopsmith! Get outta here! |
| Your very presence is ruining this delicious chocolate river! |
| I don't even wanna see you near it! |
| You're safe, delicious chocolate river. |
| I won't let the doodiem'n contaminate you. |
| Time to employ my mystical lures and jigs! |
| C'mon and get in the boat - HOT ELVES! |
| C'mon and get in the boat - ENCHANTED FISH! |
| Whoa, this is like, snooty duck pond simulator. |
| Prolly have to throw those swans crumbs of caviar |
| or, like, lembas bread. |
| I see you lookin! |
| You're not better than me, swan! |
| Greetings! I am Depressiorn. |
| Welcome to the Elven All You Can Eat Buffet. |
| Table for eight? |
| Do we have any elder Elves dining with us tonight? |
| Y'know, cause, we offer a fried chicken discount for Elves over three thousand years old! |
| Ever and more, O Viking Lord! |
| Kneeleth down and gimme your cool, cool sword! |
| C'mon! Fork it over! |
| I wanna slice up those snooty swans! |
| ...think they're better'n me! |
| But I'm especially sensitive to bees Ow! OW! |
| Yeah, I really, really, really OUCH like bees. |
| Bubs, I think this was a terrible idea for a venue. |
| Sorry, you're booked for three nights straight! |
| And Beezadryl costs extra! |
| Poopsmith! Your presence continues to recontextualize things in the wrong way. |
| Those sheep used to be cute until you showed up. |
| Now all I can think about is piles of |
| blocky, low-poly sheep crap! |
| C'mon, Strong Sad, let's see that hustle! |
| Just eight more fiveflights to go!! |
| Coach Z, I can't do it! |
| I'm gonna die right here on these stairs. |
| Incedentally, if that happens, |
| ya mind if I ride your corpse back down to the bottom? |
| It'd be a lot quicker! |
| *groan* |
| Whoa! Lookit all this premium thatch! |
| You could put this stuff on the roof of a cottage and burninate it for days! |
| Strong Bad, I challenge you to think of one other thing that is thatched besides cottages. |
| I can think of LOTSA things. |
| A two-door thatchback sedan. |
| Freshwater Thatched-Mouth Bass |
| And uh,... Thatch, Thatchy.... |
| LaRue. |
| He's a famous peasant minigolfer. |
| Everybody knows him. |
| (pie eating noises) |
| The Cheat, quit eatin' that pie! |
| We're not in this idyllic medieval village to be cute, quaint and cozy! |
| We're supposed to besiege, burninate, and... |
| Barf. |
| We should barf more. |
| So, yeah. eat the rest of that pie. |
| (whatever you say noises) |
| Strong Bad! Lemme out! |
| Homestar, not again! How did it happen this time? |
| Well, I was in Grandma's Condo, doodlin dinosaurs |
| And then, y'know one thing led to another... |
| I'm not seein a direct path to your current situation. |
| Well, at least these bubbles are giving me a mustache. |
| I don't wanna know what that means. |
| No, you do noOOt. |
| Aw yeah, I could get used to this! |
| These are some dapper duds right here. |
| Back in the day you couldn't walk down the street |
| twice without seein a few of these in the fashion windows. |
| You don't hear too much about fashion windows no more, do ya? |
| I mighta made them up just now. |
| And also I am not stuck in this thing... |
| ...help? |
| Oh look at you! You are just the cutest hideous maw I have ever seen! |
| Chomp chomp chomp! |
| Can you cough up some more slime? |
| Can you do a slime? Can you do your sliiiime? |
| Captain, we've reached our cruising depth. |
| Very well. Lower the tray tables, |
| turn on the wi-fi, |
| break out the pretzels and soda! |
| Stop that. |
| That's right, sports fans... |
| that sound means it's time for the 7th inning style! |
| Brought to you by MostMeat Hot Dogs. |
| (adorable singing sounds) |
| This week on Myst Island Makeover |
| We're finally giving the weary traveler stuck on an annoyingly obtuse puzzle |
| what they want! |
| No, it's not a hint book... |
| It's a toilet!! |
| And who better to help me than our resident bathroom expoit |
| The Poopsmith! |
| Yeah, I wouldn't go near that thing. |
| I think that's what people have been usin' all these years |
| In lieu of an actual loo. |
| Hey, watch out when that ship surfaces! |
| I tell ya! |
| How about a themed toilet inside this rocket ship? |
| Just be sure you do your business before you're in zero G. |
| You'd probably love that wouldn't you? |
| Ya freak! |
| This cozy but scholarly library |
| would make a fantastic bathroom. |
| But when you're finished, the question is... |
| Do you use blue pages or red? |
| Say, how about a toilet in here, Poopsmith? |
| Euro-style comfort commode with automatic bidet |
| while bouncin around inside a redwood? |
| If that's not the very definition of "Craftsman" |
| I don't know what is! |
| Why don't you DO something?! |
| Bubs! What have you done to the place?! |
| It's a hastily thrown together cash-grab! |
| I mean, mini-golf course! |
| Look what you've done to mighty Strong Badia- |
| er, wait. How much cash-grab? |
| I'm charging five dollars a putt! |
| Oh, in that case carry on! |
| I want my royalties delivered quarterly and in the form of astronaut ice cream! |
| You got it! |
| (panicking sounds) |
| The Cheat!! How did you get in there?! |
| (more panicking sounds) |
| You're not making any sense!! |
| (explaining sounds) |
| You were at Grandma's condo doodling dinosaurs?! |
| Strong Bad, it's me Pirate Teeeeeeddd! |
| Whoa! Pirate Ted! |
| Can you finally get me a freaking sword up in this place?! |
| Nooooo. |
| But you can play some of my Pirate Ted Gaaaaames! |
| Arr! Arr! |
| Alright, that's it, |
| I'm loggin outta VR. Forever. |
| Yeah, I should prolly take a break too. |
| I got a six-foot meatball sub waitin for me in the kitchen. |
| Six-foot meatball sub-- Oh wait! |
| I want to talk to Pirate Ted some more! |
| Oh sure! |
| Hey Strong Bad, it's meeee! |
| Yeah, that's great! Just keep dancin' like that |
| no matter how little I respond |
| and no matter how much it sounds like someone has come into your house and |
| and duct taped your VR rig to your head and |
| is hastily ingesting your meatball sub! |
| Sounds like a plan, Wrestle Man! |
| Man, Strong Bad, if you hadn't warned me |
| I'd definitely think someone was duct taping my VR rig to my head right now |
| (hastily ingesting sounds) |
| Ooh, meatballs! |
